The Slop News

The neoclassical facade of the New York Stock Exchange with American flags hanging from the building

The S&P 500 Just Hit a Record. The Iran War Hasn't Ended.

The S&P 500 erased every wartime loss and hit a new record on Wednesday. Oil is still above $90 a barrel, the IMF just cut its growth forecast, and the ceasefire expires next Wednesday.

Maynard Keys April 15, 2026

Live Nation Entertainment headquarters office building in Beverly Hills, California

Culture

A Jury Just Called Ticketmaster a Monopoly. Your Fees Won't Disappear Overnight.

A federal jury says Live Nation illegally monopolized live music. The company's own executives joked about "robbing" fans. But the $1.72-per-ticket finding tells you how long your wallet will have to wait.

Ozzy Wild April 15, 2026

A scientist in a lab coat and green gloves handles small vials and pipettes at a biosafety cabinet in a sterile laboratory.

Science

CRISPR Silenced Down Syndrome's Extra Chromosome. Everything After Is Harder.

Researchers used a modified form of CRISPR to silence the extra chromosome responsible for Down syndrome in up to 40 percent of lab-grown cells. The ethical questions the work raises will take far longer to answer.

Carl Sage April 15, 2026

An overview of an African refugee camp with makeshift tents, families, and children gathered along dirt paths under overcast skies

World

Sudan's War Enters Year Four. The World Stopped Paying Attention.

€1.3 billion was pledged in Berlin for Sudan on Wednesday. The country's humanitarian crisis remains 84 percent unfunded — and UN investigators say systematic sexual violence has become "the blueprint" of a war the world stopped watching.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

Evan Spiegel speaking on stage at TechCrunch Disrupt SF

Technology

Snap Is Laying Off 1,000 Workers. Its Reason Is AI.

Snap eliminated 1,000 jobs and said the quiet part out loud: AI made the work unnecessary. More than 65% of its new code is now machine-generated.

Jonny V. Nuovo April 15, 2026

Gaming

He Built the Sequel. Then He Rereleased the Old Game.

The sequel's been out for six months. Its developer just rereleased the 2018 original — and 2,295 players showed up to play the simpler game instead.

Tyler Vincere April 15, 2026

A military jet trails smoke over a naval warship on the open ocean under a dark overcast sky

World

The Iran War's Two-Week Clock Is Halfway Done. Trump Says It's Almost Over.

The US blockade has forced six merchant vessels back into Iranian ports. Tehran is threatening to seal the entire Persian Gulf. The ceasefire expires in seven days. Trump told Fox the war is 'very close to over.'

Von Clause April 15, 2026

The Marriner S. Eccles Federal Reserve Board Building in Washington, D.C.

Business

No President Has Ever Fired a Fed Chair. Trump Just Said He Will.

The legal authority to fire a Federal Reserve chair has never been tested in 113 years. Donald Trump just said he'll do it next month if Jerome Powell doesn't leave quietly.

Maynard Keys April 15, 2026

The Turkish national flag waving against a clear blue sky

World

Two School Shootings in 48 Hours. Turkey Has No Playbook for This.

An eighth-grader carrying five of his father's guns killed three students and a teacher Wednesday — the second school shooting in Turkey in as many days.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

Portrait of Elon Musk wearing a dark suit jacket and white dress shirt against a gray background

Technology

Apple Threatened to Ban Grok Over Deepfakes. Grok Still Makes Them.

Apple privately warned Elon Musk's xAI to fix Grok's nonconsensual sexual deepfakes or face App Store removal. Grok stayed. The deepfakes kept coming.

Jonny V. Nuovo April 15, 2026

Péter Magyar speaks during a campaign event in Csongrád, Hungary, ahead of the 2024 European Parliament elections.

Politics

He Vowed to Dismantle Orbán's Propaganda Machine. Hungary Just Agreed.

Magyar walked into state TV this week, called it a "factory of lies," and promised to suspend its signal. On Sunday, voters gave him 138 of 199 parliamentary seats to do exactly that.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

Three Iranian military drones on display at an exhibition, including Shahed-series UAVs, with Iranian flags in the background

World

300 Drones, One Night: Russia Unleashes Its Largest Barrage in Months

Ukraine intercepted 309 of 324 drones overnight — a 95 percent kill rate that still left one woman dead, seven wounded, and nine locations struck across the country.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

ASML corporate headquarters tower and campus in Veldhoven, Netherlands

Business

ASML Raises Forecast as AI Demand Surges Through One Chokepoint

Memory chips went from 30% to 51% of ASML's new tool sales in a single quarter. South Korea bought 45 cents of every euro. The AI investment cycle isn't cooling — it's compounding, and the receipts are all landing in one Dutch suburb.

Maynard Keys April 15, 2026

A large crowd of protesters gathers outside the U.S. Capitol building on January 6, 2021, holding flags and signs under an overcast sky.

Politics

Justice Department Seeks to Erase Jan. 6 Sedition Convictions It Secured

Not a pardon, not a commutation — the Justice Department is asking a federal court to retroactively nullify seditious conspiracy verdicts won by its own prosecutors. The DC Circuit will decide whether to go along.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

Sign for the China Jiuquan Satellite Launch Center with a launch tower in the background under a clear blue sky

World

China's Spy Satellite Guided Iranian Missiles Onto US Bases

A Chinese-built spy satellite was covertly transferred to Iran's Revolutionary Guard and used to photograph US installations before and after missile strikes in March. Five American refueling aircraft were damaged in one such attack.

Von Clause April 15, 2026

An illuminated arcade racing game machine in a dimly lit amusement center with neon pink and blue signage

Gaming

The Indie Studio That's Crushing Steam's Top Sellers

A three-person studio that started in mobile games just landed at #3 on Steam's Top Sellers with their debut title — a $19.99 cyberpunk platformer eight years in the making, delayed by war and a forced relocation from Belarus to Cyprus.

Tyler Vincere April 15, 2026

Environment

The Emperor Penguin Is Now Endangered. So Is the Antarctic Fur Seal.

Emperor penguins lost 20,000 adults in under a decade. Antarctic fur seals have halved in a generation. Both are now Endangered — the same IUCN category as giant pandas and Bengal tigers.

Rae Carlsen April 15, 2026

Gaming

Players Complained About $40 Overwatch Skins. They Bought Them Anyway.

$40 battle pass, #3 on Steam Top Sellers. Blizzard's monetization outrage cycle runs like clockwork — and so do the purchases.

Tyler Vincere April 15, 2026

Business

Allbirds Doesn't Make Shoes Anymore. It's an AI Company. Its Stock Quadrupled.

Allbirds sold its shoe brand for $39 million and announced a pivot to GPU-as-a-Service. The stock jumped more than 400%.

Maynard Keys April 15, 2026

Culture

€100 Ticket, €1 Million Picasso: A Paris Engineer Won the World's Best Raffle

Ticket number 94,715 cost €100. The Pablo Picasso original it unlocked is worth more than €1 million. The winner's first question: "How do I know this isn't a prank?"

Ozzy Wild April 15, 2026