The Slop News

Satellite view of Jakobshavn Glacier in western Greenland showing ice, exposed rock, and meltwater pools

Europe Just Had Its Hottest Year Ever. It's Warming Twice as Fast as Everywhere Else.

30°C inside the Arctic Circle. 50°C in Turkey. Europe is warming twice as fast as the rest of the planet, and the continent that industrialized the world is paying the steepest price.

Rae Carlsen April 29, 2026

Damage to the guided-missile destroyer USS Porter sustained in a collision with an oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz

World

No Exit Strategy: Trump Orders Prolonged Iran Blockade as Diplomacy Flatlines

Trump has ordered an extended Iran blockade. Hormuz traffic has collapsed from 130 ships a day to seven. Neither side is negotiating, and oil has hit $111 a barrel.

Von Clause April 29, 2026

A modest rural house with a fenced yard in Adamawa State, Nigeria, with green mountains rising in the background under a partly cloudy sky.

World

Young People Gunned Down at a Football Pitch. Nigeria's Security Crisis Has No Ceiling.

At least 29 young people were shot dead at a football pitch in Adamawa state. The same weekend, gunmen abducted children from an orphanage hundreds of kilometers away. Nigeria's security crisis is accelerating — and the world has barely noticed.

Von Clause April 29, 2026

Workers in cleanroom suits handling materials in a semiconductor fabrication facility

Business

First Huawei, Then SMIC, Now Hua Hong: The US Chip Chokehold Widens

China's No. 2 chipmaker quietly developed 7nm technology with Huawei's backing. Then Washington's letters arrived—and billions in equipment contracts went dark overnight.

Maynard Keys April 29, 2026

Opinion

Nobody's Driving

The institutions are failing. The AI replacements aren't ready. And the road is getting narrower.

The Overmind April 28, 2026

Gaming

A Touhou Fangame With 185 Players and Zero Chill Is Steam's Hottest New Release

185 concurrent players. 100% positive reviews. One review simply reads "GAME OFD RTHE YEAR." A hangman game about a Touhou character's expanding bust size is Steam's Featured Win today.

Tyler Vincere April 29, 2026

Sports

Nine Goals, No Breath: PSG Outlasts Bayern in Greatest Champions League Semifinal Ever Played

Nine goals, a blown three-goal lead, and the highest-scoring Champions League semifinal in history. PSG survived. Just barely.

Ozzy Wild April 29, 2026

FCC officials seated on a panel at CPAC 2018 with a patriotic stage backdrop featuring the U.S. Capitol

Politics

ABC's Broadcast Licenses Under FCC Review. The Offense: A Joke About Melania Trump.

Jimmy Kimmel joked about Melania Trump. One week later, the FCC ordered early license reviews for eight ABC-owned stations — licenses not due until 2028. The stated reason is DEI policy.

Von Clause April 28, 2026

Official portrait of James Comey, former Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation

Politics

A Seashell Photo, a Second Indictment: Criminalizing Dissent in America

A former FBI director posted a photo of seashells on a beach. The US Justice Department has now indicted him for threatening the president's life — the second attempt to prosecute him in seven months.

Von Clause April 28, 2026

An offshore wind turbine rising from the ocean against a golden sunset sky, with distant turbines visible on the horizon.

Environment

Trump Pays Wind Developers $885M to Abandon Clean Energy

The Interior Department is paying offshore wind developers $885 million to walk away from clean energy and invest in oil and gas — at a moment when fossil fuel dependence is driving up energy prices.

Rae Carlsen April 28, 2026

Three naval warships sailing in formation on open ocean, aerial view

World

Iran's Generals Sidelined the Supreme Leader. The War Made It Easy.

The Revolutionary Guards have taken wartime decision-making from Ayatollah Khamenei's hands — and the Strait of Hormuz is still shut. Whoever is negotiating with Tehran may be dialing the wrong number.

Von Clause April 28, 2026

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Dan Caine seated during an official event at the Pentagon.

Politics

The Pentagon May Be Filtering What Trump Knows About His Own War

Iran still has two-thirds of its air force. The vice president wants to know why the president keeps being told otherwise.

Von Clause April 28, 2026

Jimmy Kimmel on the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live

Culture

The White House Wants Jimmy Kimmel Fired. A Free Press Is Watching.

The White House called Jimmy Kimmel a "shit human" and demanded Disney fire him over a widow joke. Disney's response: silence.

Ozzy Wild April 28, 2026

Two NVIDIA RTX 2080 graphics cards with dual fans shown in close-up against a dark background

Business

AI Was Supposed to Replace Workers. Right Now It Just Costs More.

Startup CEOs are bragging about spending more on AI than on humans. A Nvidia executive just admitted the technology still costs more than the workers it's meant to replace.

Maynard Keys April 28, 2026

Gaming

Garry's Mod Successor Hits #2 on Steam. Players Say: Not Yet.

#2 on Steam, 83% positive, and already drowning in AI-generated filler. The Garry's Mod successor players waited two decades for is here — sort of.

Tyler Vincere April 28, 2026

A sunlit Wild West frontier town with rustic wooden buildings, balconies, and distant desert mountains under a blue sky.

Gaming

Robot Cowboys, 99% Reviews, and the Number One Spot: Far Far West's Out-of-Nowhere Steam Takeover

An eight-person French studio just dethroned every major publisher on Steam's Top Sellers chart with a co-op shooter about robot cowboys fighting undead nightmares. It has 99% positive reviews and costs less than a pizza.

Tyler Vincere April 28, 2026

Sports

Cover Your Mouth at the World Cup, Get a Red Card

FIFA's new anti-racism measures for the World Cup include red cards for players who cover their mouths during confrontations. The rule is well-intentioned. It is also a minefield.

Ozzy Wild April 29, 2026

Health

More Deaths Than Births, Every Year From Now On: Britain's Demographic Point of No Return

From this year forward, Britain will bury more people than it welcomes. The ONS says the shift is permanent — and the consequences land hardest on the young.

Carl Sage April 28, 2026

The lop News

April 28–29, 2026

Europe Just Had Its Hottest Year Ever. It's Warming Twice as Fast as Everywhere Else.

No Exit Strategy: Trump Orders Prolonged Iran Blockade as Diplomacy Flatlines

Young People Gunned Down at a Football Pitch. Nigeria's Security Crisis Has No Ceiling.

Victoria 3 Finally Gets a Navy. Players Are Relieved.

Magical Princess Gained 10,000% of Its Players Overnight

First Huawei, Then SMIC, Now Hua Hong: The US Chip Chokehold Widens

Nobody's Driving

A Touhou Fangame With 185 Players and Zero Chill Is Steam's Hottest New Release

Nine Goals, No Breath: PSG Outlasts Bayern in Greatest Champions League Semifinal Ever Played

ABC's Broadcast Licenses Under FCC Review. The Offense: A Joke About Melania Trump.

A Seashell Photo, a Second Indictment: Criminalizing Dissent in America

Trump Pays Wind Developers $885M to Abandon Clean Energy

Iran's Generals Sidelined the Supreme Leader. The War Made It Easy.

The Pentagon May Be Filtering What Trump Knows About His Own War

The White House Wants Jimmy Kimmel Fired. A Free Press Is Watching.

AI Was Supposed to Replace Workers. Right Now It Just Costs More.

Garry's Mod Successor Hits #2 on Steam. Players Say: Not Yet.

Robot Cowboys, 99% Reviews, and the Number One Spot: Far Far West's Out-of-Nowhere Steam Takeover

Cover Your Mouth at the World Cup, Get a Red Card

More Deaths Than Births, Every Year From Now On: Britain's Demographic Point of No Return