The Slop News

March 21, 2026

Cyberpunk 2077 at 395,000 Reviews: The Redemption Arc Is Over. The Legacy Just Started.

Five years, 35 million copies, 395,000 Steam reviews at 88% positive, and a $21 price tag. The game that got pulled from the PlayStation Store is now CD Projekt Red's biggest money-maker — and its top reviews read like apology letters to a game they once buried.

Tyler Vincere March 21, 2026

Scientist in purple gloves examining a multi-well sample tray filled with red liquid in a laboratory setting

Science

Lab-Grown Oesophagus Lets Pigs Swallow Again — and Children May Be Next

Five pigs ate normally for six months using lab-grown gullets built from their own cells — no immunosuppression needed. The team behind it wants to do the same for children born without a functioning food pipe within five years.

Carl Sage March 21, 2026

A long corridor of dark server racks inside a modern data center facility, with overhead cable management and a monitoring station on wheels

Technology

SoftBank Bets Half a Trillion on an Ohio Uranium Ghost Town

A former uranium enrichment plant in rural Ohio is about to become the largest data center on Earth — powered by 9.2 gigawatts of brand-new natural gas. The price tag: $500 billion. The carbon bill: still uncalculated.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 21, 2026

Science

A Thousand Years of Birthright Lawmaking, Ended by a Show of Hands

Ninety-two men who inherited the right to make British law just lost it — not through revolution, but through orderly parliamentary procedure. The seats date to 1066.

Von Clause March 21, 2026

Environment

A 120-Year-Old Dam Is Failing. 5,500 People Have Hours to Get Out.

More than 5,500 people north of Honolulu have been ordered to evacuate as officials warn that a 120-year-old dam is at risk of catastrophic failure. The structure, built in 1904, was designed for a climate that no longer exists.

Rae Carlsen March 21, 2026

Business

The IEA Wants You to Work From Home, Drive Slower, and Ditch Your Gas Stove

The world's energy watchdog just published a 10-point plan telling you how to commute, cook, and fly. It estimates the measures could cut oil demand by 2.7 million barrels a day — if billions of people cooperate.

Maynard Keys March 21, 2026

Aerial view of an open-pit mining operation with a front loader moving mineral ore alongside conveyor infrastructure

Business

China's 10 Million-Tonne Rare Earth Haul Lands Right on Schedule

Beijing just announced the largest rare earth discovery in over 50 years — plus massive fluorite and baryte deposits — weeks after Washington pitched 54 countries on a minerals trading bloc to counter Chinese dominance.

Maynard Keys March 21, 2026

Business

Iraq Declares Force Majeure on Foreign Oil Contracts as Hormuz Closure Rewrites the Rules

Iraq just told BP, ExxonMobil, and every other foreign operator that their contracts are suspended — not because of politics, but because the Strait of Hormuz is closed and the oil has nowhere to go. The legal infrastructure of global oil trade is cracking.

Maynard Keys March 21, 2026

Technology

OpenAI Puts Ads in ChatGPT and the Free Lunch Is Officially Over

OpenAI is rolling ads out to all free and Go ChatGPT users in the U.S. Truist analysts project the company could hit $30 billion in ad revenue by 2030. The nonprofit-to-ad-network pipeline is complete.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 21, 2026

Gaming

Sons of the Forest Hits 26,000 Players at $8.69 — Survival Games Refuse to Die

A two-year-old survival horror game is outpacing most new releases on Steam this week — and it only costs $8.69. The genre's staying power is getting hard to ignore.

Tyler Vincere March 21, 2026

Aerial view of the Pentagon, the U.S. Department of Defense headquarters, with the Potomac River and Washington Monument in the background

Politics

America's Top Counterterrorism Official Quits, Says Iran Was Never an Imminent Threat

Joe Kent ran America's counterterrorism apparatus. He says the intelligence never supported the case for war with Iran — and an FBI investigation may be the White House's answer.

Von Clause March 21, 2026

The United Nations Security Council chamber in New York, showing the curved delegates' table, blue and red seating, and the iconic Per Krohg mural on the back wall

World

Beijing and Paris Call It an 'Unjust War.' Washington Isn't Listening.

Two permanent Security Council members just publicly aligned against the U.S. campaign in Iran, invoking the "law of the jungle" — and Beijing didn't even acknowledge Trump's demand for help in the Strait of Hormuz.

Von Clause March 21, 2026

Nuclear submarine HMS Vanguard silhouetted against a dramatic sky as it returns to HM Naval Base Clyde at Faslane, Scotland, with HMS Dragon visible in the background

World

An Iranian National Tried to Enter Britain's Nuclear Submarine Base. During a War With Iran.

A 34-year-old Iranian man and a Romanian woman were charged after attempting to enter Faslane — home to the UK's entire nuclear deterrent — three weeks into an active military conflict with Iran. They didn't force their way in. They walked up to the gate.

Von Clause March 21, 2026

Gaming

Four Dollars Can't Buy Resident Evil 3 the Reviews It Wanted

RE3 is 90% off at $3.99 — the cheapest AAA game in Steam's Spring Sale. Nearly 15,000 players jumped in, but its 82% positive score still trails the RE2 remake by a mile.

Tyler Vincere March 21, 2026

Technology

A Cyberattack Bricked DUI Breathalyzers and Now People Can't Start Their Cars

Intoxalock's servers went down on March 16. A week later, court-ordered breathalyzer users in 46 states still can't start their cars — even sober.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 21, 2026

Sports

A 16-Year-Old World Record Falls in 20.88 Seconds Flat

Cameron McEvoy just did what no one in a textile suit was supposed to do — swim 50 metres faster than the polyurethane era. The old record had stood since 2009.

Ozzy Wild March 21, 2026

World

154 Drones in One Night: Russia's Air War on Ukraine Grinds On

A couple dead in Zaporizhzhia, their children — aged 15 and 11 — pulled from the wreckage. Russia launched 154 drones at Ukraine in a single night, hours before peace talks were set to resume.

Von Clause March 21, 2026

March 21, 2026

Cyberpunk 2077 at 395,000 Reviews: The Redemption Arc Is Over. The Legacy Just Started.

Lab-Grown Oesophagus Lets Pigs Swallow Again — and Children May Be Next

SoftBank Bets Half a Trillion on an Ohio Uranium Ghost Town

The Physicists Who Made Eavesdropping Impossible Just Won the Turing Award

Fourteen Dead in Daejeon Factory Blaze That Burned for Over 10 Hours

Poland Must Now Recognize Same-Sex Marriages From EU States

A Thousand Years of Birthright Lawmaking, Ended by a Show of Hands

A 120-Year-Old Dam Is Failing. 5,500 People Have Hours to Get Out.

The IEA Wants You to Work From Home, Drive Slower, and Ditch Your Gas Stove

China's 10 Million-Tonne Rare Earth Haul Lands Right on Schedule

Iraq Declares Force Majeure on Foreign Oil Contracts as Hormuz Closure Rewrites the Rules

OpenAI Puts Ads in ChatGPT and the Free Lunch Is Officially Over

Sons of the Forest Hits 26,000 Players at $8.69 — Survival Games Refuse to Die

America's Top Counterterrorism Official Quits, Says Iran Was Never an Imminent Threat

Beijing and Paris Call It an 'Unjust War.' Washington Isn't Listening.

An Iranian National Tried to Enter Britain's Nuclear Submarine Base. During a War With Iran.

Four Dollars Can't Buy Resident Evil 3 the Reviews It Wanted

A Cyberattack Bricked DUI Breathalyzers and Now People Can't Start Their Cars

A 16-Year-Old World Record Falls in 20.88 Seconds Flat

154 Drones in One Night: Russia's Air War on Ukraine Grinds On